Astrology Reading (with Cherrié Moraga and Angie Arrien), undated

Amy: As soon as the warranty ends.
Cherrié Moraga: Oh great.
Amy: It's really good. Yes, yes, and I got it fixed once and the guy said oh well if it ever breaks again that's it, so of course it broke again. Okay, Cherrié, first I have to I guess warn you just because I'm on a super tight schedule today and I only have until 11:30 because I usually plan on a couple of hours. I like to leave a little leeway but there are all these emergencies that came up in my life today and I'm like-- and it's weird because the weirdness about not being able to [unintelligible 00:00:43] everything. I feel really badly but there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm just going to go and do as much as I can possibly do. I don't know if I'm going to be able to finish the chart though because there's just so much in here that I want to tell you about, so I'll do my best. That's what I wanted to tell you because I didn't want to just leave you in mid-word and say, "Oh, I got to go now."
CM: Okay.
Amy: What I do want to do-- You've had your charts done before haven't you?
CM: Yes, not very formally. I worked at a place where everybody--
Amy: Had their chart done.
CM: Yes. Where a person who was-- I worked in this house food place and then a woman who did a lot of astrology had done my chart but between breaks she would show me it.
Amy: Oh, I see.
CM: It wasn't like we had a real formal thing.
Amy: I get you. All right, well, but you're familiar with how a chart is set up, aren't you?
CM: Yes.
Amy: The fact that there are planets, and signs, and houses and that kind of stuff.
CM: Yes.
Amy: Well, what I'll do then is first of all I'm just going to talk about your chart as a whole and give you an overview. The second thing I'll do is talk about your sun sign, your rising sign, and your moon sign, and how they fit together, and how they work. The third thing I'll do if we have time is to go through each house individually and talk about what's in each house until I get around to the whole again. Okay?
CM: Okay.
Amy: For sure if you have any questions or comments or anything to just go right ahead.
CM: Okay.

Title: Correspondence, C. Moraga | Location: Box: 43 | Folder: 10

Amy: Well, the first thing I want to talk about as far as your chart goes is the fact that you do have two major aspects in your chart. What that means is that when you were born Cherrié, at the moment of your birth there happened to have been the planet situated themselves in such a way that they actually formed these big shapes in the middle of the sky. To have one is not super unusual but it's not that common either, but to have two is considered highly unusual, and they're very important because they tend to color everything else in the chart.
You have both a T-square and a Yod, and the T-square is caused because you have two planets that were 180 degrees away from each other, so they formed this straight line, the red line. Then you had another planet that was 90 degrees from the other two, so it forms two right angles or a T shape in the middle of the sky. The T square gives you the feeling that if you just had X, everything in your life would fit together. However, X can be anything, Cherrié. That X could be a relationship, it could be money, it could be material object, it could be work, it could be the perfect body.
It could be the perfect mind, it could be anything and X can change. You can decide oh, oh, this is really X on Tuesday and then maybe by Thursday, you can say well I thought about it again and I realized that's not really X, this is X instead. If you do decide that a particular issue is X and you go off and you get it you really work at it, for a while it really does make you feel complete. After a while it really gives you the feeling of just like gee, this isn't quite right, it isn't quite working. You really feel oh I have to go off and I have to find something else to fulfill me.
It's really analogous to going around and looking for wall outlets. You find an outlet, and you plug your plug into it and the energy starts flowing through and you feel really great and then all of a sudden you short out. Of course, the most normal thing to do in that point is to pull your plug out of the outlet and to say, "Oh what a stupid outlet, it isn't working, I got to go find another outlet." What the T-square is saying is that you do have the short circuit inside of you. Now the short circuit is caused because you have an imbalance of energy.
Now you're not doomed to the short circuit. It's not saying to you, "Oh, well, tough luck, Cherrié, for the rest of your life you're going to be like this." It's saying no, okay there is an imbalance and you can write the imbalance. Now what the imbalance is depends upon the particular planets in the T-square. Now in your case, you have a special kind of T-square, because it doesn't just involve planets. It also involves these two points which are called the nodes. Now the nodes, are not really planets at all.
If you take the orbit of the earth around the sun, and then you take the orbit of the earth's moon around the earth, those orbits cross in two places. The intersection that faces north is the north node, and it points up, and it represents breaking away from past life karma. The intersection that faces down is the self node, and it represents getting sucked into past life karma.
CM: Great.

Amy: To have a T-square with the nodes first of all Cherrié it's telling you that this is an old energy. That this is something that you have been dealing with for lifetimes and lifetimes and lifetimes, and you finally get to it and say, "Okay this is it. I really have to deal with this energy." What the imbalance is about, is connected to these planets because your Pluto-- now Pluto rules transformation and power. It is conjunct, which means it's just totally together with right on top of your self node which is past life karma.
What this says is that in a past life, you were extremely powerful and you felt that your power was your work. It wasn't just powerful personally maybe you were in a situation where you had a lot of personal power, but outwardly nobody saw it. It's saying that you were outwardly known for your power and that you got very connected up to it because of the Leo in a very egoistic way. Instead of seeing yourself as a channel for the power, you really totally identified with this power and said, "Yes, this is who I am. I'm the power and what I want is right for everybody."
Now where's Leo? Because the south node and the Pluto are in the sign Leo, and the Leo indicates that it was a real ego attachment to that power. Now, you also have this energy square to 90 degrees away from the planet Jupiter. Now, Jupiter Cherrié is always a blessing except when it's in a square position, because in that case because Jupiter is expansion it represents over expansion. It represents something that once was good but has turned into too much.
Having Jupiter there square to the Pluto in the south node, that's the fact that you took on the power because you felt it was the right thing to do. You didn't start off saying, "Hey, wow, I want to have a lot of power. I'm just going to get in there and be incredible and have all this power and do whatever the hell I want." It's saying that you started off with very noble aspirations, but what happened is that the more power you got the more you liked it and the more it felt like hey this is pretty good.
All right, I must be pretty far out to have this power, and then the more you got in touch with it the more you wanted it, and the more you got blinded to what was the right balance the more you felt that you had to be the certain energy. Your north node is in Aquarius, and the north node is the breaking away from past life energy. In Aquarius, it says that you're breaking away is by seeing the truth that you're breaking through illusions. Now, the key here is that it's all illusions.
It's not just the illusion of power because you have really learned your lesson having a really packed 12-house. It's telling you that you've been dealing with this power issue for a lifetime. It's not like oh in your last life you blew it and now you have to be real careful about power. You've already seen the negative side of the misuse of power and been the victim now of a misuse of power. This has already happened to you. You don't have to see, "Oh gee, what is power? I can't use it blah blah blah."
In fact, in this lifetime you have to reconnect to the use of power. You have to really see that it is important for you to use this power, and yet what it's saying is you have to use the power with the light in the truth, and that this is a very intense energy for you. Quite naturally a part of you is scared shitless because you look at that power and it's like, "Oh, yes, I remember you. I remember what you were like, forget it I'm not here." Naturally with the T, you feel this incredible duality, because some of the time you feel like, "Who me, Cherrié? Oh no, not me. I don't know what you're talking about. What power? I got no power."
Yet at the same time, the people are there saying, "Oh, Cherrié she doesn't have any power.?" It's like, "What do you mean I don't any? Hey, listen, I have all this power and I got to use this power. Here I am." Then it's like, "Oh my God, what did I do?" "Oh, no. No, I was just kidding. Just kidding, folks. No, I don't have any power. No, no, no, no. Of course, I have power." It goes back and forth. There are some days in which you're right up there, you're right there looking straight into your destiny and saying, "Yes, this is who I am, and this is who I have to be." Other days you're just looking at that and saying, "Oh my God, I can't possibly accept this power. This is just much too scary. It's much too much. No, I can't deal with it."
It is this duality of saying, "Yes, I want it. No, I don't. Yes, I've got to have it. No, I can't." What you're trying to do is to find the perfect balance, is to be able to be a channel of that power, accept your power, but not feel that you have to take on too much of the power and not feel that you can't accept yourself as you truly are. It's a real connection to the truth inside of yourself. Yet at the same time, it's saying that you cannot possibly ignore this power. You must deal with it. That's a really important energy with the T.

CM: What were you saying about the illusion thing?
Amy: Now, the illusion works in two different ways. First of all, it's the illusion that you can use power any old way you want. Every time you get a little bit too egoistic or too cocky with that power, you do get smashed. Every time you say, "Oh, right. Hey, I want this." You talk yourself into thinking, "Oh, this is for everyone else, and it's really for Cherrié and it's long, and it's like the neon signs go off and the sirens, and it's like, "Don, don, don, wonk."
It's like, "Whoops, okay, I'm not going to do it this time." The second side though, is the more insidious side, because that part of the illusion is the illusion that your negativity does to say to you, "Oh, well, you can't have power. You're just too messed up. You'll really misuse it. You can't touch it." The reason why it does that is from your dark side's point of view, you're in this really terrible position because first of all, it had power.
It really had it, and you used it, and your dark side loved it because it had all this incredible energy. It was like, "Hey, I get to do whatever I want." Then you got smashed. You really did get smashed. You went through a number of very painful lifetimes, and your dark side lost its power. Now, here you are in this situation where there's this power hanging right in front of you, and it's saying to you, "Cherrié, use it." You're there going, "All right. I have to use it."
Now, your dark side is fit to be tied because it looks at this and it says, "What do you mean she can use it? This is mine." It's being taught, "Uh-uh. You don't touch it. You don't get near it. You can't even breathe on it." Your dark side's freaking out saying, "Well, if I can't have it, she can't either." It's energy, instead of trying to co-opt the power, it knows enough now that it can't possibly co-opt the power.
You are in no way an evil person, and you're not going to be an evil person. It knows it can't do that. What it figures it can do is to just keep you away from it. Because it says, "Hey, I don't want to get burnt. I don't want to get transformed. If I keep her from being transformed, I'm going to not be transformed either." It's always in there creating all these illusions about the power, saying to you, "Don't touch it. Don't touch it. It'll hurt you. It's bad. You can't handle it. You're not ready."
All these things so that you'll step back and say, "Oh, Gee, oh, I'm not ready. Someday when I'm ready, I'll touch it," or, "Oh Gee, oh God, this is so much and I can't handle this." Or, "Oh wow, what if I blow it? Everybody looks at me and says, gee, Cherrié, we were really depending on you, and you really blew it. Oh God, you really let us down." It's got all these really insidious ways to get to you that are so subtle that they're not out front. You can say, "Well, gee, I must be doing this from the right thing. I just want to be ready. I'm doing this with a really good conscience. It's not like I'm trying to mess things up."
It also can get you through other people. It can say, "Oh, Cherrié, you can't think about yourself right now. You have to think about this other person or these other people." Because then you can say, "Oh, yes. Right. Well, see, I'm not being selfish. I'm not being messed up. I have to go deal with this person, or this situation, or this community, or whatever it is." It's telling you that you have to be really careful about the illusions that your negative energy creates under the guise of positive energy. The way you can tell is how it feels, because no matter what it sounds intellectually, no matter how much you say to yourself, "Oh Gee, really, it's got to be like this. It's really got to be this way. It sounds really good in my mind. It's really creating it." If it in your heart, you just don't feel good about it, you're just saying, "I've got do this. I've got to." Then you know, you've got to go with what your heart says.
What your negative energy does is it creates all this mental veneer, it keeps pulling things up in your mind and saying, "Cherrié, what about this? Oh, and how can you think you're ready? Isn't that ego?" Then you think, "Oh, [unintelligible 00:15:44], it must be ego. I can't think I'm ready, so I'm not ready." Whereas it's all that energy saying, pull her back. Pull her back. Don't let her go. Don't let her go." That's why really accepting your destiny is really confronting that intellectualization of that power as well.

Amy: Now every T-square has a point where it needs to balance because it is a T. There is no planet on the chart because if there was a planet, then you wouldn't have a T at all, you'd have a cross, which is a completely different energy. That missing planet is called the void. It is directly opposite the stem. Your stem is in Taurus. Your void then would be in Scorpio in the first house.
Now, the first house is the house of self-identity, and Scorpio is power. What this says is that the thing that you really need to do is to identify with the truth of your power. The truth that you are a divine warrior in this lifetime. I mean, you really have to be. There's lots of things that you have to get out there and confront that Cherrie and her Libra essence would rather not deal with it all.
Your Libras, there're going, "What? Me? Oh no, not me. I'm just sitting here spacing out." Whereas that Scorpio energy is right in there. It's going, "You are a divine warrior. You got to get out there. You have to clothe yourself in the truth. You have to hold the sword of truth and you have to communicate it. You have to be it." There's a lot of parts of you that are in there saying, "No, I don't want to look at this destiny because it hurts. Besides it's scary. Can't I just stay here and live in a little house on the ocean and not look at anything."
You're being told, "Uh-uh, Uh-uh, you got to get out there and confront." That's the thing that's really scary, is that sense of, "Oh, I've really got to get out there and confront. I've really got to get out there and deal with the energy." The other side of it is it says that you've got to really use that power that for many lifetimes you've been sitting on it and really saying, "I'm not ready, I'm not ready. I can't use it. I'll just blow it again. I'll blow it again." This lifetime, you're right there. It's like your divine energy has come right down to you and it's saying to you, "Okay, Cherrie, this is the time. This is it. You really have to use the energy. You cannot possibly ignore this."
You're finding yourself having to really deal with that energy, having to accept it in spite of yourself. Now, the fact that the Scorpio is in the void does not mean that you don't connect to Scorpios. As a matter of fact, what it says is that at times Scorpios can be incredible catalysts to your life. Because it's almost like their energy, especially if their sun or any planet that they have fits into the void. It's saying that then that energy really helps you to realize the T-square energy. Of course, Barbara is a Scorpio. I don't know if her son, I can't remember what the degree of her son is, so I don't know if it fits into this or not. Do you know what day she was born on-- November?
CM: I'm just forgetting. Oh, no. 17th.
Amy: 17th. There is a real good chance that her Sun would fit into this void. That would just be an interesting thing because it would say that in her very essence would help you to work out this T-square energy. That's just an interesting [crosstalk]
CM: Yes, makes sense.

Amy: That's the T-square. Now you also have a Yod. Now a Yod is a partially resolved T-Square. It's as if you've gotten a T-square and almost worked it out to completion, but just didn't quite manage to get it totally synthesized, like in another life. A Yod is called a Yod because actually Yod is the Hebrew letter for Y, and it is a Y shape. You've got two sets of planets that are 60 degrees away from each other. They form a 60-degree angle, then both of them are 150 degrees away from the stem point.
It's interesting that the stem point here is also Jupiter. Jupiter is the stem for both the T Square and the Yod. What this says is that you have to be really careful at pushing yourself too hard. It's like you've wanted to get through this karma so badly that you've almost decided in past lives that you were just going to burn straight through it. You had at least in one lifetime, I know of at least one in which you were just, ugh. You just decided, lay it on me Lord. It was just like, "Okay, I am just going to totally burn through this. I am not going to get stuck in this again." You did have, I don't know if it was your last lifetime or the lifetime for it but it was incredibly painful. It was very much involved in this intense victimization experience. Your death was a particularly incredibly horrible death where you died. You were raped and murdered in your death and it was just this incredible thing [crosstalk] to sustain. Pardon?
CM: I was saying, why does it feel so recent? Amy: Recent? [inaudible 00:21:16] I'm with you. CM: When you said that, it felt so recent. Amy: Oh, yes. It was so traumatic for your soul. Yet, see, the thing that was so intense about it is that in this really weird way, you engineered it because it was almost like you said, "Okay, that's it. Okay, maybe I victimized some people. Well, I'm just going to burn right through it. I'm just going to rip it off my soul because I'm not going to deal with this anymore." See, I feel like your misuse of power was probably a number of lifetimes ago and you started off dealing with it more intellectually, and you got very frustrated where you felt like, I have to get back to using this power. I can't stand being impotent and not being able to use the power. What you decided to do was to just sear it right off of you and you had this life. It was weird because it's almost like you didn't have to go through it. It's like you just got this thing in your head that you had to release the energy and it's like you couldn't realize that the way you had to release it was to forgive yourself. It was you couldn't forgive yourself. You were so tied into this idea that somehow you were really evil, that you couldn't just say, "Hey, look, just forgive yourself. Let it go." It was almost like in that lifetime, things just kept happening to you that were incredible. It was almost like one of those catastrophic lifetimes where you just could think, what next? How could something else happen to this woman? Yet you would just keep walking right into it. It was like, this isn't hard enough. This isn't heavy enough. I'm not going to be convinced that I'm released until I hit something really heavy. Finally, when you went into that death, it was about the heaviest thing that could possibly happen to you. It was like you just said, okay, this is what I have to go through and yet it was very intense because while you were experiencing it, then you got the truth. Then it was like, what are you doing? You don't have to go through this. Are you crazy? What it set up there Cherrie, is this real, almost like this intense self hatred because you felt like, "I can't believe I did this. Talk about stupid." Then in this lifetime, you have to forgive yourself doubly because not only do you have to forgive yourself for the misuse of power but you have to forgive yourself for your ultimate victimization. That in a way is the hardest because you really have forgiven yourself for the power.

Amy: You know except when you're really feeling depressed that you're not an evil person. You really know that. Sometimes you get to a point, and you get scared and you get depressed and you feel like, "Oh God, I really must be fucked up for this to be happening to me." Basically, it's pretty much all taken care of but the one about the victimization is not taken care of. Now, in one way, it's a good thing because It really fuels your anger because you see that you bought it in that lifetime. You really bought that woman bullshit of like, "Oh, well, you're a woman and so tough luck." This is the way the world is and women were made to be stepped on and you really bought it in that lifetime, and you really took it and you really embodied it.
On one hand, there's a part of you that knows that and sees that, and it fuels your anger. That's a good thing because you know it's like, "I'm not going to take this again and I'm not going to let other women take it which is a really good energy." What happens is you take it really personally then and you say, "Well, sure you are really messed up." If you ever get taken advantage of, it's like reliving the rape and the murder. It's like reliving that energy. Sometimes you're really confused at why you take hurt so hard. Even if someone is just minimally hurtful to you, maybe they don't even mean it. There's a part of you that just takes it so into your heart and it's so overwhelming to you, and you get really angry with yourself.
You feel like, "Will you just stop it? You are not going to be like this now. Just be strong. Be together. Why are you feeling like this? That person can't hurt you. Don't let them hurt you." Yet, at the same time, there's this incredible pain that just washes over you and this incredible feeling of hopelessness and of destitution and feeling really alone and there is no way that anyone can help you or love you. It's almost like just feeling that you're falling into this incredibly deep, dark pit. What that is, is that's that woman in you that went through that, that still is experiencing it. It's like every time anyone hurts you, she relives it. It's like all she wants to do is die. She really wants to die. She just wants to let go.
She doesn't want to have to be stuck there being tortured anymore. The thing that you have to do is you have to release her because you don't need her anger anymore. You needed her anger when you were a little girl because you needed it so that you wouldn't buy into it and so that you wouldn't get caught up in the bullshit. You needed it so that you wouldn't get stuck in all that Libra openness to other people. She kept you. Every time you started losing it and started being too open to other people or losing your integrity or losing your ideal, she was right there being angry, saying, "How can you do that? How can you let me down? They hurt you. Don't let them hurt you again." She was really necessary but at this point, Cherrie, you don't need her anger.
If you buy into it, if you let her continue to make you feel the hurt and to make you feel the torture, you're keeping yourself from being the power that you have to be because not only does she have anger, she has fear. She's the part of you. It's almost like she's this little personality inside of you and she's the part of you that every time you start feeling really powerful shuts down because what happens is she gets scared. It's that thing of, "Oh my God, they're going to do it to you again." She just shuts down. She makes you feel this incredible panic, this incredible fear. She can't keep you from doing your destiny but she can make it a lot harder.

Amy: It's like, first of all, you've got to confront her and you've got to say, "Look, okay, I know, I accept it. I know what happened to you and I'm not going to forget. I promise I will not forget and I promise I will not let it happen to you again. I also know that you're tired, that you can't continue like this and you need to let go." It's like you've got to let her stop hurting because she hurts all the time. She's that part of you that sometimes when you're alone or sometimes when things are the best when you're really feeling good, you feel a lot of love, you feel a lot of respect, you feel a lot of satisfaction. She's that part of you that can't let go, that just can't accept it. It's like she wants to accept it so badly. It's like she's right.
There's the river and she really wants to step over it and she's in there going, "I can't Cherrie, I'm too afraid. I'm too afraid that if I accept it, if I feel the love, if I feel the positive energy, then it's just going to destroy me. Then they'll get me." Then they'll say, "Ah, we got you. We knew it. We knew that if you just relaxed and you felt good, then we could really make you hurt."
She just can't. That's why you think sometimes you're so crazy because sometimes when things are the best, you feel the most panic-stricken because she's in there saying, "Oh God, I can't deal. It hurts too much." It's like if you've ever been out in the real, real, real cold and it's so cold and you come inside, and you've just gotten numb, and then you start feeling things. It just trickles and hurts and you get the pins and needles. It's that energy where she's just gotten so numb that when she starts to feel love, she freaks out. She just freaks out because it just hurts so much.
It's the same thing with sexuality. It's like sometimes when you feel the most openness in sexuality, you feel the most desire to shut down because it's the same thing because in her head, you know, sexuality is bad. It's what got her in trouble. It says, "All right, you feel good about this. Well, listen, sweetheart, I'm going to make you shut down." Sometimes after the most wonderful sexual experience, instead of feeling good, you just feel awful because it's like opening up to that energy.
It's really realizing that it is okay and you can forgive yourself and you can accept yourself and things are going to be all right in this lifetime. That's like a really really scary energy. It just feels so scary to you that you just feel like, "Oh, how can I accept this? I can't accept this. If I accept this, then what kinds of other things are going to happen?" That's why it is just so important for you to be able to let her go and to be able to say to her, "Okay, you don't have to guard me anymore. You don't have to make me accept you anymore. You don't have to make it happen because I know what I have to do and I'll protect you."

Amy: The other thing you have to realize is, because your moon is trying your Pluto, you have a really really strong guardian angel, and your guardian angel is right there to protect you, to make sure that it's okay, to make sure that it's all right for you to accept your energy, to make sure that it's okay for you to be who you really are. It's saying that it's going to protect you, not just physically, but psychically as well. It's really, really important for you to accept that psychic energy, and it's really important for you to really trust that energy inside of yourself and know that you do not have to take on the pain and you do not have to take on the negativity.
The key, as I'm going back to my original thing, is the Jupiter, because what that Jupiter is saying is that in this lifetime, you just have to be very careful not to push too hard. When you start feeling yourself getting overwhelmed, you have got to pull back. There's a difference between just sort of normal fear and being overwhelmed. The fear is just like, okay, you're afraid, but you still feel the energy. You still feel like I've got the energy, I've got the strength, I've got the power, I've just got to go with it. There's a difference between that and that panicky, overwhelming feeling of just like, "Oh, my God, I'm just exhausted, I'm drained. I don't have any energy. I cannot do this."
It's really really important for you to know that you have to let go of this energy. It's really important for you to know that you do not have to pick up on it, that you do have to release yourself and feel the release because it's just a really important energy for you, it's something you need to experience deep inside of yourself. Okay, now, the other way that the Yod works is, okay, so then you split and you've got these two battery of planets. First of all, you've got the moon conjunct to Mars. Now, the moon is the intuitive, subconscious part of yourself and Mars is action energy. It's motivation. Now, this says Cherrie, that you get guided intensely intuitively all the time.

Amy: You are always experiencing a very, very deep guidance energy. It's saying that you really have to pay attention to this guidance. Now, the problem is that the guidance comes intuitively and that it's really, really easy for you to block that intuition. It's really, really easy for you to not connect to that truth inside of yourself at times, because your sun is conjunct to your mercury, which means that Mercury's mental energy sun is being-ness. You just accept your mind energy. Your mind really comes in there and it really says, "What are you talking about, Cherrie? What's this? What do you mean, what are you talking about? How can you believe this?" It's saying that you pick up on energy all the time.
I walk into this room and you've never seen me before, and sure, your mind's going to look at me and say, "Oh, so that's Amy, and she looks like this, and she does this and blah, and blah," but your intuition is going to look at me and say, "Oh, so that's Amy. Well, she's this, she's that. She said something." Nine out of ten times, you're absolutely right with your intuition. The problem is that your mind comes in and it says to you, "What the hell are you talking about, Cherrie? You don't even know this person. How do you know that this is going on?" Especially because you don't just do it about people, you do it about rooms and dogs and cats and books and situations.
You could walk into a room and maybe it's a beautiful room and there's all kinds of nice people there. You say, "There's a lot of tension here." Maybe someone with you is saying "Cherrie are you crazy? Are you out of your mind, everything's fine. What's wrong with know?" And maybe say, your mind goes, oh, yes. Boy, are you stupid? [inaudible 00:35:39]. Then, you know, maybe three weeks later when a friend comes to you and says, "Well, Cherrie, you remember we went to that party and there was this stuff. I didn't realize it, but there was all this stuff going on between so and so and so and so. They just had this big fight, and they're not living together anymore, and blah and blah."
You're saying to yourself, "That was the tension that I felt." Now, the problem is that your mind has absolutely no conscience. That lots of times what happens is it says to you, "Oh, you're full of shit? What's wrong with you? You can't trust such and such." Then when weeks later, you find out that such and such is true, your mind has no qualms about coming back and saying to you, "Cherrie, you knew that that was true. Why didn't you do something about it? Oh, boy, you're stupid. I can't believe it." It's the kind of thing where, see, your mind will switch sides. It doesn't care. It just wants to be right.
That's why it's really important for you to give enough credence to your own intuition because you get guided so much. I cannot stress how much you are guided. You get such strong guidance energy, and yet at the same time, it's really easy for you to negate that guidance. Lots of times it's like running around the rose bush. You go around and around and around, and finally, you're so exhausted, you just give up, and you just give into the intuition. Then you realize that you just should have given into it a long time ago. You say, "Oh, wow, this was right. What's wrong with me? This was absolutely right. Why wasn't I trusting this energy?"
It is just really really important for you to make sure that you do trust this energy, and you do know that it is absolutely right for you, and you do know that this is the right energy, and you can give yourself a lot of support for what you're actually feeling and realizing that that's exactly right for you. It's exactly what you've got to be feeling at this time. The other thing that goes along with that is just the realization that you really need to follow your hunches. You just get hunches about everything, and they're really gut-level. Lots of times you don't follow them because you are scared, because you think, who am I to have these kinds of hunches? Obviously, they can't be true. They're not true.
Then in reality, you wish that you had followed them. Now, the moon energy is the intuitive energy. It's also one of the female energies because it's the real mother nurturance. It's like the goddess energy, and Mars Is the so-called male energy. Because your moon is conjunct to Mars, it's saying that you really have to synthesize your male energy inside of yourself. Because what happened after you went through that rape and murder, I mean, obviously you just [unintelligible 00:38:31] to your male energy. You just said, "All right, that's it. I don't connect to it." The problem is, that it's your male energy that holds your power.
You've been trying to get it into your female energy, but your male energy isn't about to let it go, not now, anyway. What you need to do is you need to synthesize your male energy into your female energy. As long as you hate your male energy, you're not going to be able to serve your power. It's really really important for you to accept that male energy into yourself. Now, you don't have to term it male energy. It's just the so-called male energy. It's just that power. It's that aggression, it's that ability to really focus, to really deal outside of yourself. You have identified it as your male energy in past lives. As far as you're concerned, you still identify it as your male energy.
That it's really important for you to really bring that back into yourself and get it to really hook up with your female energy and get it to really hook up as a positive energy. As long as you see that power as negative, as long as you see that power as an ability to hurt, you're not going to be able to be 100% effective. It's really important for you to draw it back into yourself and to really tie it up to your goddess energy and really accept it in the depths of your soul.

Amy: Now, the other side of the Yod is that you've got Saturn, Neptune, and Venus all conjunct, which means that they were so close together in the sky, they just lined up together around the sun. It's one big, huge ball of energy. Now, this says a number of things. First of all, Saturn is karmic energy. Neptune is healing energy and spirituality and Venus's love energy. Now this does a lot of different things. First of all, one of the things that it does is it says that you really are working out still a lot of karma around relationships. In that past life, you really just close down your heart chakra.
You just said, "Oh, see, it was my heart that got me into this trouble. It was my heart that got me open to this energy. I've just got to really not put myself in that place. I've got to not put myself in that space." What you did is you just shut down your heart chakra and you just said, "Okay, that's it. No more." In this lifetime, you're reopening it. However, because of that incredible pain and hurt you sustained, you're not about to open your heart chakra easily.
In fact, lots of times you feel very dualized between the part of you that wants to experience the love and is there saying to you, "Now, Cherie, you've got to open up. You've got to open up." The part of you that say, "Are you crazy? I'm not going to open up. You've got to be out of your mind. I am not going to open up. I am not going to experience this energy. I refuse to." Yet at the same time, the real sense of, "No, you've really got to open up this energy. You've really got to experience this love that's inside of you."

Amy: Now one of the things that's going to help a great deal is the fact that because your Venus is conjunct to your Neptune very closely. You have what's known as a soulmate or a karmic mate. This is a person that you have been involved with in past lives in many different ways. You may have been her lover, you may have been even enemies, or parent and child, or teacher and student, or siblings, or colleagues, or all kinds of things, and in this lifetime, you come together with the potential to be one with each other on all levels, mentally, physically, psychically, sexually, emotionally, spiritually, every single level you can think of, you have the ability to be one with this person.
However, there is no way to tell if someone is your soulmate by what sign she is, by what the person looks like, by what they do, by when you meet this person. There is no way to tell by any external means. The only way to tell when a person is your soulmate is by the fulfillment of different indications. There are also ways to tell because this relationship is not a lot of things. It is definitely not in any way, shape, or form an abusive relationship. It cannot possibly be an abusive relationship. It is also not in any way, shape, or form a relationship that does not allow you to be your true self. This person has got to totally support you in your true destiny, just as you must support her in her true destiny.
Now one of the indications is the fact that you find you cannot separate from this person, literally, physically. No matter how much you try to be apart, there is some greater force than yourself bringing you together so that you find that you can meet this person and maybe at first you don't feel a big thing. Maybe you meet this person at a party or a bar or a conference or a meeting or something like that and you might feel like, "Oh." Somehow you're going to keep connecting to this person. It's like, "Look, Cherie, this is the person. This is it," which is why you can never meet the person and then do nothing and then someday wake up when you're 85 and in the middle of the night and say
CM: She is the one. [crosstalk]-
Amy: -"Oh my God, it was that birth and then I blew it." It's not like that. You get chance after chance after chance, which is why even if you're together and you feel like, "Oh, fuck, I don't want to deal with this." Forget it. You find that you've got to be there. You've got to work it out together. The second qualification is the fact that you are willing to put more into this relationship than any other relationship you have ever experienced. This relationship forces you to go beyond your own ego and your own sense of self and it's mutual. You are both working out this relationship energy, so it's not like you can't do it. It's like you are forced to deal with it. You are forced to do it. You find that in spite of yourself, your head might be going, "No way, Cherie, why should you work it out? Forget it. You are not going to work it out," and your heart is saying, "You get in there and you work it out. You are not about to not work it out." You find that you cannot help but work out the relationship. You find that you cannot help but deal with this relationship in a complete way.
CM: It's terrifying. [laughs]
Amy: I know it is.
CM: Just saying.
Amy: It is. The third qualification is the fact that the relationship itself follows a certain pattern. First, there'll be a plateau and everything will be very nice and very easy and very lovely. Little by little, it builds up to some kind of crisis point. Now it might be your crisis, it might be the other person's crisis, it might be internal, it might be external, but it's some kind of crisis point. You find that the more you're able to work out the crisis point, the more able you are to love each other, to be together, to experience oneness with each other. Then it goes to another plateau until it builds up to another crisis point. The amount of time between the crisis points depends upon the couple.
For some couples, it's every two minutes, and for other couples, it's every five years. It just depends on what it is that you're working out. The fourth qualification is the fact that you find it's really difficult to explain why you love this person. You can't explain it. It goes beyond explanation. Cause you feel like, "I love her because she's so-- No, that's not it. It must be because she's-- No, that's not it. I think it's because of-- No, that's not it." You find that you just cannot possibly explain it. It's just, it's so deep. It feels so intense inside of yourself. You cannot explain it in any way, shape, or form. It's a really deep energy. All you can do is really trust that energy and know that this is exactly the right energy for you.

Amy: What the soulmate indication does is it guarantees that you will meet this person. What you do after that its up to you. It doesn't say, "Oh, and you'll live happily ever after." You still have to work out the relationship. Obviously, for you, it's a very intense energy because you do have a real struggle opening up your heart. Obviously, this person is definitely going to open up your heart, and she is not going to allow you to close down. The other thing is that it's really forcing you to let go of pain around relationship. It's forcing you to work out sexuality, and it's forcing you to open up to the truth inside of yourself. It's forcing you to say, "Yes, this is who I really have to be. I can not be anybody else."
Now the other thing it says is that with the Saturn conjuncture Neptune that in this lifetime, you really have to use your healing energy in your work. Of course, you can only do that when you experience love in your heart, and that you really have to experience a deep openness and a deep energy inside of yourself, and that you just have to know that this is the truth, that you have really got to experience the truth inside of yourself. You've really got to experience the knowledge that you are a healer in this lifetime and that you're really meant to use the love that you're feeling from other people to learn to love yourself, to learn to forgive yourself.
The key here is self-forgiveness, it is self-acceptance, and it's the knowledge that all you can do is really, really be open to this truth. All you can do is really, really be open to what you know is true inside of yourself. Now Saturn, Neptune, and Venus are sextile the moon and Mars. This is interesting because then Venus is sextile the Mars, which is the union of the so-called male-female energy. It does say that when they work together, you feel a real sense of completeness and openness inside of yourself.
Then these are both in conjunct to Jupiter, which says that at times you feel a real duality between that really active part of you, the real so-called male aggressive, active, powerful part of you, and then the real victimization part of you so that what you're trying to do is to switch energy. You're trying to get the male energy part of you to experience nurturing, to experience love, to experience hope, to experience transformation. You're trying to get the female part of you to stop being the victim because that female part of you still really identifies with the victim. You need to get her to feel strong, to feel strength to power, aggression, all the things that you want to feel. You're switching the energy.
That's what the Yod is talking about is the real switch of energy will allow you to release yourself from that duality because it says at times, you really experience that duality, and it is very confusing to you. Here you are, one day, you can be so strong and so aggressive and totally like, "No, I do not experience this pain inside of myself." Then the next day, you can just totally fold in on yourself and experience real victimization.
It's very confusing to you because you feel like, "What is going on?" Of course, then too, you're giving real mixed messages to people. Both I'm invincible, I am strong, and I'm the complete victim. Then you're feeling like, "What the hell? What kind of credibility do I have that I'm expressing both of these energies?" Yet they're both there because they're both a part of you. What you're trying to do is to give power to the victim and give compassion and love to the assertive part of you so that both of them experience a synthesis and a connection inside of yourself, and that's a really strong work that you're experiencing at this time. [chuckles]
CM: I know it's so much.
Amy: I know it is. [crosstalk] We've just scratched the track. I know. I feel like I just go and do it and I feel like, [unintelligible 00:51:21] Excavation.

CM: I know it's not hardly any time, so I'm not saying much, but it's wonderful to hear what you're saying. It's very painful. [crosstalk]
Amy: I know it's painful.
CM: -but it's wonderful to have it said back to me.
Amy: It's almost like you have to release the pain. It's painful because it's like opening up a wound to the air, and yet it's the only way you're going to heal it. That's the other thing I wanted to say. See because you feel such a need to be powerful, you feel a lot of shame about the victim, and that's the thing that's really maybe the most detrimental because you can't see yourself in shame. She herself felt an incredible amount of shame. It's just that myth. It's that thing of, well, if a woman gets raped, and if a woman gets heard, it's because she asked for it.
CM: It's also very Catholic and very Mexican, both of which I am. All the stuff that you're saying, for me, it's just is so cultural too. Women are thought of particularly around sexuality, so it's just like the clicks are phenomenon.
Amy: It's the kind of thing where you felt, so there's that real deep, deep, deep little well of shame in there that when you start feeling like, "Hey, I am a really strong woman. I'm an incredible person. I am a divine warrior." That little voice goes, "Oh yes. Well, I'll tell you another thing. You are a real complete, total fucked up person. You were victimized to prove it. On top of it sweetheart, it's going to happen again."
It's that thing too. "Don't let anybody get too close," because that goes right into the lover thing. Here, if there's a person who really loves you and a woman who really wants to give to you and really wants to totally accept you, then that voice comes up and says, "Oh yes, she's going to accept your shame, too." It's that feeling of like, "I can't let her in. I can't let her close because if she sees she'll be repulsed." She'll just look at you and go, "Oh, [unintelligible 00:53:39]. How can I love that?" There's that hedge. It's that little wall you put around yourself and say, "Oh no, oh no." It feels very virtuous because it feels like, "Well, I'm doing it for your own good."
It's like, "I know I'm a shamed woman, so I can't let you share my shame." Yet it's so bullshit. As you said, it's so cultural. It's what we women have been experiencing for centuries. eons. Also coming from where you've come from with the Catholicism and with the Mexican culture and then putting it on top of all the karma, it's right there, and yet what this is saying is that you've just got to break through it. It's really important for you to realize that you cannot feel ashamed of yourself. See, what happens is then it gets twisted, and you start feeling ashamed of the power.
Instead of feeling like, "How can I be ashamed of being a victim? Hey, this is something I bought into, and I'm not going to buy into it anymore." Then what happens is that voice says, "Oh, and you should be ashamed of the fact that you're powerful too. What about all the women who aren't powerful?" How dare you? How dare you rub their faces in it? Then you feel like, "Oh God. Nothing really that terrible and horrible and disgusting has happened to me and I somehow escaped in this lifetime." Well, it should happen to me, so I should feel ashamed that it hasn't happened to me as fully as it could."
It's really getting you both coming and going. That's why it's so important for you to really release the shame and really allow yourself to feel good about the fact that you are protected, that you are meant to be a warrior, that you are meant to experience that power, and that you do not have to be victimized ever again in this lifetime. You will not be victimized ever again if you choose not to be. That's a really important karmic lesson for you.

Amy: Okay. The reason why this is coming up so strongly now is that you are starting about a six-year cycle. That is a very important cycle for you. It's like you started it actually years ago. You started it about four years ago. You started this very important Saturn experience, and then you had a respite. You had a rest for about a year, and now you're starting it again.
First Saturn in the sky as you know is continually moving. You happen to have all this stuff back to back. As you can see, you have so many planets right here. Now what happened is that you have Saturn, it passed over your 10th house. The 10th house is the house of work, and Saturn rules work.
When Saturn passes through the 10th house, it says then that you really are experiencing a real need to deal with your work energy. That was happening, I think it was around '78. Let me just check. It started at 11 degrees of Leo. You started experiencing it starting in September of '76, actually. You started experiencing it. It continued until September of '79. That was over a three-year period. Then you had a little bit of a respite. Then starting last September, so September of 1980, you started experiencing it again very intensely, and you will continue experiencing it for quite a while.
CM: Now, is that specifically around work again, or this is something [crosstalk]?
Amy: No, now it's something else. Okay? Now what you're experiencing is a number of things because first of all, you have your sun in Libra. You also have Saturn in Libra, and you have your ascendant in Libra. I know you have your ascendant in Scorpio, excuse me, but your 12th house is ruled by Libra. Whenever Saturn passes over the sun or Saturn or the 12th house, it creates a very deep experience. Now your sun is in the same sign as your Saturn and your Saturn is in your 12th house. It's like having three different cycles all back to back, all affecting you all at the same time. That's a very intense energy for you. [crosstalk]
CM: It started in September?
Amy: It started in September. Now what it does is it affects you on all these different level. First of all, it affects you with your sun. What it says is that you are then having to confront all of your own limitations at this time, and you really have to deal with all the limitations that you create inside of yourself. Also, you're in your Saturn return, and the Saturn cycle affects you in a lot of different ways.
First of all, one of the ways it affects you is that it really forces you to really let go of your childhood and to accept your adult energy so that all of a sudden, you, Cherrie, are learning to be an adult in a total way. Now what that means is that you're empowering yourself. You're really accepting your power and your identity on a whole new level, on a level that you have never experienced before. It's saying then that you really need to deal with a lot of different issues with your Saturn cycle.
The first issue is the issue of letting go of your childhood, which means that all of a sudden, all these things that you have really associated with your childhood. All the things that you haven't felt ready to deal with, you really have to deal with now. It's really connecting and confronting that energy. Really being able to look at it, really being able to say, "Yes, this is something that I really have to deal with. This is something that I really have to connect to. This is something that I really have to confront inside of myself." Now the second thing that's going on with this is the realization that you also then have to deal with your work.
One of the ways that we decide whether a person is an adult or not is by their work, which is why obviously for so long women were never considered adults. [chuckles] You are really looking at your work now and deciding what you're going to do with it. You've got three choices. Either what work you've been doing so far isn't your true work, and now that you're in your Saturn cycle, you have to let go of it, and you have to accept your true work, or you've just been doing something that was really right for you, and it was your true work, but now it's changing, and you're accepting a new energy because you're now going to another level, or what you've been doing has been your true work, but now you're really broadening it and extending it and experiencing it on a whole new level.
It's saying that it's very, very, very important for you to really get in touch with experiencing that transformational energy and knowing that now is a time for you to let go of your past and to really accept your future. You do this in a number of ways. First of all, the first step in the Saturn cycle is figuring out what you really don't want. It's almost as if you're in there cleaning out your psychic closets and you're saying, "Okay, well, I don't need this anymore and I don't need this anymore and I don't need this anymore. I really don't need to let go of this energy. I don't need to hold onto this energy. I can let go of it. I am going to let go of it, and I'm really going to accept a new energy deep inside of myself."
The next step is figuring out what you really do want. That's harder because it comes in dribs and drabs. It's learning how to be quiet enough and open enough to accept that energy. It's learning how to say, "Oh, okay, I've really got to learn how to accept this energy. I've really got to be open to accepting this truth inside of myself and knowing that this is exactly the right energy for myself."
It's slowly and surely getting in touch with the energy and learning how to be open to that energy in a really good way. Now the third thing that happens with the Saturn cycle is because the etheric body of adulthood, consciousness of adulthood is actually connecting to your real physical body. You're really changing your connection to other people who used to be adults to you. Your connection to your parents can change because they're no longer your parents. It's like you are now an adult. You are peers now.

10th House: Placements in the 10th House refer to notions of life purpose, success, and social acknowledgement. Other associations include, "vocation and calling, public recognition, social position, fame and honor, -career, power and authority, responsibility, achievement, popularity." Banzhaf, Hajo, and Anna Haebler. Keywords for Astrology: The Essential Guide to Correspondences and Interpretation of Planets, Signs, Houses, and Aspects. Red Wheel Weiser, 2024.

Amy: One of the things that happens in the Saturn Cycle is you come face-to-face with your own mortality because children never die. Children don't die. Even when they're dying, they don't die. It's because they don't have a real sense of their mortality, but adults die. All of a sudden, now, you're really confronting that mortality, and you're grieving for the loss of your childhood. It's really easy in your Saturn cycle to experience a great deal of grief, and you've just got to let it come right through you. Also, you're grieving for the death of your parents no matter what shape your parents are in. Whether they're alive or not, whether they're healthy or not, you're going to grieve for their death because they're no longer your parents.
You realize that you are an adult, they're adults, they are dying. That's a real intense energy for people to deal with. Another thing that happens is that you really have to deal with your own insecurity because being in your Saturn cycle, it's really, really easy to feel insecure. It's that feeling of like, "Oh, everything's changing. I'm in a kaleidoscope now. I want everything to be the same. I want everything to be secure, and yet, somehow it isn't." One of the things you're really working on is you're really allowing yourself to break through that insecurity. You're really, really allowing yourself to know what it is that you have to do.
You're really being able to say, "Okay, I know that what it is that I have to do is really accept the truth inside of myself. I know that what I have to do is really be able to know that my only security is my truth, is my destiny, and I can't try to pin it on anything else." It is an insecure time. It is a painful time, but it's also a time of releasing the past and accepting your true identity.
Now the fact that Saturn will soon be moving through your 12th house. Right now, it's still in your 11th house. It's a little bit of a respite, and it will start getting into your 12th house. Let's see, it has to hit 13 degrees. It'll be in your 12th house by your-- let's see, is it by [unintelligible 01:05:55]? No, it's by next October. It's October of '81. It'll go back into your 12th house.
Starting in October of '81, you're going to feel as if circumstances are forcing you to release negative energy, to release your limitations. It's almost as if this really strong force comes down into you and takes this really high-powered flashlight, and is looking in all the corners and under the bed and in the closets and saying, "Okay, now you got to really deal with this shit. You've got to really deal with this shit," yet it affects you outwardly, externally.
As an example, one person I knew who was going through this. Her lover was someone she really didn't want to be with yet she was really holding onto it because she didn't want to hurt her lover's feelings. Then when Saturn was in her 12th house, her lover said, "I don't want to be with you anymore." At first, of course, the woman was feeling really frustrated and really angry.
Then she realized what a fool she was. It was like, "Oh God, I feel relieved." This is what you really wanted. It's that kind of energy where sometimes things happen, and yet when they happen, at first, you might feel a real frustration or a real anger, but then you realize it's exactly what you want it to happen. It's this thing of like, "Oh, I'm so pleased. I'm so thankful that this happened. Now I don't have to carry it anymore."
Realize it's starting in October of '81, you will be going through this period of time in which external circumstances are forcing you to grow, and yet you know that that is the best thing that could happen to you. You realize that all the things that are happening, they're the things that you really wanted to happen, and yet at the time, it might feel very scary to you and might feel very difficult to you. It's really getting in touch with accepting that energy and knowing that that is absolutely the right thing and that you really can accept it-
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Placements in the 12th House refer to mysticism, shifts in states of being or awareness, and (voluntary or involuntary) isolation. Banzhaf, Hajo, and Anna Haebler. Keywords for Astrology: The Essential Guide to Correspondences and Interpretation of Planets, Signs, Houses, and Aspects. Red Wheel Weiser, 2024.